i fool myself to sleep & dream.

i sit scribbling this into my notebook.
my pen writes into the darkness & mute room.
i am crying; tears so real; i cant believe.
but why am i letting this get to me?
maybe to cope with my suffocating loneliness
i become obsessive.
until that obsession becomes my life, my whole.
why i want to continue living.
its my reason for staying
for hope & happiness.
so why do i feel so effected?
is it because i am realizing that all this is fake
a mere cover up of my own reality?
it is my escape, my only way out.
its a love i make for myself. to drown in it.
even if it is only a dream. fooling myself.
deeper into that world.